FAITH, not Fear

I have been working to try and overcome some of my personal feelings of fear of the unknown. Fear of what the future holds for me and my family. Witnessing the great and small suffering of so many loved ones, and wondering what is next. I have felt a need to strengthen my faith, and develop a greater trust, that we are in the hands of the Lord and that with these trials come blessings.


After telling myself that I was not going to stand and share my testimony in church yesterday, I felt prompted to stand, and share some of the things that came flooding into my mind. (Sorry if you heard this already - but I wanted to share some of those same thoughts here.) I've decided I'm am proud, and I always have feelings of doubt and self-consciousness after I stand. I always feel so insecure, and like I didn't say what I really meant to, I would love to get past this...anyway...


I spent Saturday night, with a throbbing migraine, I laid in bed, literally writhing in pain, wishing so much that it would end. I even prayed that it would end. I found myself feeling a little selfish in my plea, with my thoughts turning to many whom I love, having to endure their own pain, suffering and sorrow. I knew that this for me would not last forever, but in those moments it seemed that it was never-ending.


I've pondered a bit on the suffering of God's children. We all know many who suffer; Many innocent children suffer pain and trauma: some are inflicted with disease, some injury, others (perhaps the most troubling) are the victim of abuse or neglect. I have wondered about the necessity for suffering, and thought a lot on why these things can't be taken from us.


Just in the last few months...Two sweet little nephews suffer from physical challenges, that have caused them to undergo surgeries, and therapies, and great pain that will change the way that they and their parents and families live their lives. And yet they are strong and beautiful, and carry the light of Christ and a spirit of determination that cannot be denied. Three Grandma's have suffered, and do suffer with life changing illness, and injury, that cause them great pain and suffering. And yet, their will and spirits are high and hopeful, and their faith, unwavering.


I know that we're told in scripture, and by prophets that it will be for our good; that the eternal lessons we will learn here will ultimately outweigh any pain and suffering that we endure. As I pray, and continue to hope for the best, many times I have had the thought that I must strengthen my faith. To have faith, not fear. So many times, the scriptures in my reading that stand out to me, are those which point out that despite their many afflictions, the people had faith, were patient, obedient and they were strengthened, and good came of it.

I do know that prayers are answered, that miracles happen, that our faith can bring about miracles of healing, and sometimes the greatest miracle, of peace and comfort, when it seems that there would be none. As I have prayed for others through these trials, often waking from sleep, and feeling an urgent need to plead for great blessings on those I love at that very moment, I have felt a peace in knowing that my prayers are being heard. My brother has told us, I FEEL your prayers. I had wondered before how that was done, but feel now that I know in my heart, we have the power and privilege to call upon ministering angels, to comfort and to bless; and, when we call upon God, for this greatest blessing, our prayers ARE heard, and angels DO come and do comfort and bless. I have felt it, and I know that our family has felt it.

As I went visiting teaching in November, the talk I chose for our lesson was, "Faith, the Choice is Yours", by Bishop Edgley. I loved it all, but this is one part stood out to me...
"When the disciples asked Jesus why they could not cast a devil out as they had just witnessed the Savior do, Jesus answered, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove” (Matthew 17:20). I have never witnessed the removal of an actual mountain. But because of faith, I have seen a mountain of doubt and despair removed and replaced with hope and optimism. Because of faith, I have personally witnessed a mountain of sin replaced with repentance and forgiveness. And because of faith, I have personally witnessed a mountain of pain replaced with peace, hope, and gratitude. Yes, I have seen mountains removed."

Yesterday, we began to sing our closing song in sacrament meeting. I started out strong, and before I reached the end of the first line, I was suprised to find that I could not sing, only tears came, as I listened to the beautiful words which followed...

The Lord is my light; then why should I fear?
By day and by night his presence is near.
He is my salvation from sorrow and sin;
This blessed assurance the Spirit doth bring.

The Lord is my light; tho clouds may arise,
Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies
Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign,
Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

The Lord is my light; The Lord is my strength.
I know in his might I'll conquer at length.
My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r,
And, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour.

The Lord is my light, my all and in all.
There is in his sight no darkness at all.
He is my Redeemer, my Savior, and King.
With Saints and with angels his praises I'll sing.

The Lord is my light; He is my Joy, and my song.
By day and by night, He leads, he leads me along.